The first part was already about understanding personal boundaries: finding out what feels right, which needs lie behind it and where your own boundaries are.
Recognising a boundary is one thing – saying it out loud is another. Even when we have figured out what we want or don't want, it is often hard to communicate it. Fear of rejection, shame, other people's disappointment or the pressure of "people-pleasing" can often leave our own needs unspoken. How can we communicate boundaries? And how do we deal with it when others set one?
It is not always easy to find the right words for our own boundaries. Sometimes it takes time to get clear about our feelings or to make sense of a situation. At other times we know exactly what we want but are unsure how the other person will react.
Saying boundaries out loud can help overcome such uncertainty. The more clearly wishes and needs are communicated, the easier it is for others to understand and take them into account. It doesn't have to be complicated: simple sentences are often enough, such as "I don't want that right now", "I don't feel comfortable with that" or "I need some time for myself". In the same way, you are allowed to say what you would like and what you feel comfortable with.
Gestures and body language can also show how we feel in a situation. Taking a step back or shaking your head can express discomfort, for example. However, such signals are not always understood clearly. That is why it can help to add words to them. This creates more clarity about what feels good for both people.
Communicating a boundary sometimes also means declining a request or not meeting another person's expectations. That can feel unfamiliar for both sides. It is important not to automatically take a no as a personal rejection.
If, for example, someone doesn't want a hug, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like the other person. Maybe they simply don't want physical contact right now. A no refers to a specific action, request or situation; it doesn't have to be a personal "attack".
That is why a boundary should be taken seriously even if you can't understand it right away. Statements like "You're overreacting" can make the other person feel that their needs aren't taken seriously. Putting on pressure or creating feelings of guilt to still get the answer you wanted doesn't help either.
Respecting boundaries means taking other people's needs seriously and adjusting your own behaviour accordingly. You don't have to fully understand every decision or have the same wishes. What matters is acknowledging that other people are allowed to decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with.
If you have accidentally crossed a boundary, it can help to apologise and take responsibility for your own behaviour. A simple follow-up question like "What would be more comfortable for you?" can also show that you take the other person's needs seriously and want to take the boundary into account better in the future.
This is especially important with physical closeness and sexual acts. Nobody should be pushed into anything here. The so-called "ask and wait" method can help: you ask whether something is wanted and then give the other person enough time and space to decide freely. If it stays unclear whether an action is wanted, you should pause and ask instead of simply assuming consent.
Consent does not automatically apply to all further situations. People are allowed to change their mind and take back a decision at any time, even if they agreed before. No justification is needed for that.
This applies especially to touching and sexual acts. An earlier yes does not mean saying yes to everything that follows. Every person can decide for themselves what they want and what they don't. In this context, a compromise is not appropriate if it means allowing something you don't actually want.
It is equally okay to feel unsure or not yet know exactly what you want. Sometimes it takes time and experience to get to know your own wishes better. Talking openly about this and giving each other that time can help create situations in which everyone involved feels comfortable and safe.
Setting boundaries and respecting boundaries belong together. In friendships, relationships, at school and at work, different needs and ideas meet. Not everything can always be reconciled. It is all the more important to deal with each other openly and to take everyone's boundaries seriously.
A respectful way of being together does not mean that every wish is always fulfilled. It means that every person is allowed to express their needs and that a no is accepted just like a yes.
Boundaries don't only create distance. When we communicate and respect them, they can also be the foundation for trust, understanding and respectful togetherness. You could even interpret them as "relationship-preserving measures". If boundaries are regularly crossed in any kind of relationship, that relationship probably has no future.
Expressing needs and setting boundaries protects us and can strengthen relationships. Communicating about them can therefore be something very beautiful and nurturing. So here is our appeal: look after yourselves and each other, and respect other people's boundaries just as you wish yours to be respected!
– Marie-Louise Fuchs, 14 October 2026